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A series of unfortunate events...
Danny and I decided a while ago that we wanted to try for another baby.
I stopped all forms of birth control on the 1st of May.
I was 10 days late on the 14th of July, And decided to take a home pregnancy test.
We were pregnant!
On Sunday the 16th I went to doctors.
They got me to take another pregnancy test whist there, it was positive, but the line was very faint. Putting a lot of doubt in my mind. I took another home pregnancy test that night when I got home from the doctors, because I wanted this to be real. Once again...
We were pregnant!
On the Monday, I got my blood test done to get positive confirmation, 2 days later the results were back...
We were pregnant!
There was no doubt in my mind after this.
Another 2 days later, I had another blood and urine test to make sure all diseases they tested for were negative, and my hcg levels were rising, to give us reassurance this was a viable pregnancy.
Everything was perfect, on paper.
I had been having cramps, even before I got told by any medical professional that I was pregnant, besides being late, this was a main fact which led me to believe I was having a baby.
I went to work on Saturday, still suffering from these cramps. I told myself all day, "this is normal", until I knew it wasn't. At 4 o'clock I called Danny, I told him how bad they were getting and that I was going to get checked by the doctor on the way home from work, as I would rather be safe then sorry, he agreed. midi sleeved wedding wears in knee length
Doctor examined me, saw the amount of pain I was in, and took my blood pressure. My heart rate was almost 100. She believed my body was going into shock from the pain I was experiencing. I was informed to go straight to emergency to get checked, and so I did.
Danny was unable to come with me, because we didn't know how long it would take to get answers, and it's a bit hard to keep a 9 month old entertained in such a sterile environment.
I got to the hospital at 8, by 9 I was getting tests done.
And by 9.30, I was told my symptoms show to be an ectopic pregnancy, which can be life threatening when left to long. This was the worst of the worst things that could be wrong, but I would need an ultrasound done asap to rule this out.
Before all this happened all I wanted was an ultrasound to see our babies heartbeat, I was counting down the days, now that it was becoming real, I realised how quickly my fears came to surface.
During the ultrasound, the sonogrammer asked, "when did you find out you were pregnant?" I answered "over a week ago, and my tests all proved I was about 7 weeks, as my hcg levels were doubling every 2 days, as they should be".
She didn't look convinced, she replied that she could not see a pregnancy, she could not see a sack, she could not see a foetal pole, there was nothing there.
I was beyond confused. How could this be happening!?
It wasn't long after, I was told that I was experiencing a non-viable pregnancy, one in which would not grow to be a healthy baby.
In that moment I could hear my heart break, louder then the words that were coming out of their mouths. I was inconsolable. I was broken.
I wasn't only thinking about myself, but I immediately thought of the child danny was also so excited to welcome to our family eventually, and the little brother or sister we would give to our beautiful boy Cooper.
I stayed in over night. Today I had surgery to remove this "mass" that we were only referring to as our baby 1 day earlier. The baby that we were making plans around, and deciding on names.
We are broken, but we are also learning.
Learning how precious life is, and how beautiful it truly is to bring a life into this world.
I may have only been 7 weeks, and some may say that "it wasn't really a baby", but it was to us.
I'm not sharing this for attention or sympathy. It's the realisation that not every thing in life is roses, it's hard, you go through triumphs, but you also get knocked down, more then once.
Just writing this has put this experience in perspective for me. I'm unable to speak these words without crying.
I want to move past this, we want to bring another little us into the world again, and we will. But I also didn't want to bury it deep within my soul and try to forget. Because what has happened today has made me, us, stronger then we were yesterday.
I am just greatful for what I have right now, supportive partner, parents, in-laws, friends and most of all my son!
And a very special thank you to Jacqui for not leaving my side the whole time, while danny was looking after our boy and Tony for helping arrange Danny get to the hospital to see me. I am so lucky to have these kinds of people in my life.